And now I indulge in some personal introspection.

I haven't seen my therapist, Michael, for a while, but I think I've internalized him on the familiar issues we've talked about over the years. So I know what he would say about the recent communication with my sister. I got an email from her today, no personal message, just a forwarded long-winded screed (from my other sister) about all the horrible things Obama has done in his first 5 months in office, and suggesting that GW Bush never would have gotten away with so many gaffes and so much incompetence. It's kind of funny really. It's goes to show what an altered universe is Fox News. So I bounced the email back to her unanswered and contemplated, for a fraction of a second, writing a thoughtful and sincere response, asking her to disengage from conflict, try to agree to relate on some other level--civilly, gently. Which brings me back to my therapist, who would say, at this moment, "Ah, I see you're holding out hope again." Which I know is futile. The sisterly relationship I've always wanted was never there, so I'm not longing for something I've lost, but something I never had. And, in truth, I have a great life. My husband loves me, and I him. My daughters are incredible, independent, competent, loving, compassionate women. What more could I ask for?

As for my sister, it's not that I can't abide someone with different political views, but rather that there is no common ground on which she is willing to engage without competition and disagreement. Why is it that some people seem to live for conflict? Why the compulsion to insult, to denigrate, to engage with someone only to abuse them? I suppose it's nothing more than garden-variety bullying. And that's why my inner Michael advises me to disengage, cut my losses, move on, be grateful that the family I have is the one I've built, not the one I was born into.

Does every family have their own embarrassing Sarah Palin in the closet?

Is "de-friended" a word or not? Either way, I have de-friended my sister on Facebook. This feels terrific. She had not spoken to me for a couple of years after my parents' estate was settled, but called about a year ago to inform me that she was in poor health with a heart condition. She wrote: "My heart mussel is very week. It is just barley pumping out the blood." She has no health insurance, but vehemently opposes a national health care system based on the advice of her friends at Fox News.

I feel a little bad about shutting her out, but her posts to me had begun to take on a snarky, offensive tone that brought back the pain of her abusiveness in childhood and on into adulthood. Her personal invective is much like that which she relentlessly delivered throughout the painful months (actually, years, all told) it took to settle my parents' estate, though she admitted to me last year, to my amazement, that she had not then, nor since, bothered to read the Will or Trust or settlement documents which she was arguing about. She and my other sister think that I act like I know more than they do, that I rely too much on things I read in books rather than "common sense" (which they apparently possess, in their estimation, unencumbered by study or reading, including legal documents which they are signing).

So I am, once again, moving on. I hope that the health care thing works out for her down there in Texas, where she has plenty of like-minded compatriots for her anti-immigrant ravings, and she can join in on some tea-parties and Sarah Palin 2012 rallies. She's right at home there, and I have nothing to offer her. We both drive each other crazy.

Actually, I like to think I'm not crazy yet, but I'm not willing to tempt fate by perpetuating the relationship.

This makes me feel crazy

Here is a recent exchange with my sister, Denise, on Facebook. Her comment was in response to an online Facebook poll about universal health care, to which I posted my affirmative vote. Here we go:

Denise: The Government run health care system will kill me! I can't wait months to see a doctor. The doctors say my heart is very very weak. Will the government think I am too sick or too old at 55 for treatment? Scary thought!

Donna: That would be a scary thought if it were true. According to the World Health Organization, Canada, Netherlands, France, all with universal health care, have better outcomes (fewer deaths) for heart disease. You're arguing political talking points, not actual data. The "waiting in line" scenario is not accurate except perhaps for elective, non-urgent procedures. I don't know what health insurance you have, but it's only available to you as long as you are employed. When you're too sick to work in America, and you don't qualify for Medicare (which is a nationalized health care system) you're out of luck. http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/hea_hea_dis_dea-health-heart-disease-deaths

Denise: I would feel better if Obama and his family would receive the same health coverage that he wants to force on us. It took him 6 months to decide on a puppy, yet he wants congress to approve something in just a few days that no one has fully read including him! Sounds crazy to me!!

Donna: Don't worry; your governor in Texas (where 25% of the population is uninsured--highest percentage in the nation) is claiming he's going to opt out of federal health care.

Denise: That's right! He's got the right idea. Now we just have to get rid of all the illegals! Gov. Perry is a great guy with great ideas! Texas is a great state!!! What other state can you go out for pizza and watch Fox News on the giant flat screen?


Okay, so Denise's last post says it all; she gets her information from Fox News, apparently while eating pizza. I was going to comment further, but it makes me feel so crazy that I can't. I was raised by a pack of wild bigots, and I'm running for my life.

If I had the world to give I'd give it all to you. . .

My dear daughter is back from 5 months in France as an exchange student, and I know it's hard for her to be missing her family and friends there.  I am delighted, contented, full of wonder at her growth and as always awed by her great goodness of heart.  In a few months she will be off to college, and I intend to cherish these last few months with her.  And I also feel an odd sense of sadness because I can't give her what she wants most, which is to have the life she loved in France and also have her life here.  I know, and she knew, it would be like this.  There are many things I would love to give my dear and deserving daughter, but I can't give her France.