Let's give the apoplectic town-hall screamers what they want on health care

From dailykos.com (click on the title of this post to read the complete article):

Alright Republicans, We Give Up.
by Stroszek
Sun Aug 09, 2009 at 12:48:52 PM PDT

In accordance with your cogent and potent criticisms, these are the terms of our concession:

1. We will not euthanize your grandmother.
2. Rahm Emanuel's brother will not kill Sarah Palin's baby.
3. The government will not nationalize hospitals and other health service providers.
4. We will make the health care reform bill available for all Americans to read as soon as possible.
5. We will not subsidize abortions with your hard-earned tax dollars.
6. We will not allow the government to have direct access to your bank account.
7. We will not provide illegal immigrants with unlimited free health care.
8. Private health insurance will not be eliminated.
9. You will not be issued a "National Health Insurance ID."
10. There will be no super-secret-awesome health care program for ACORN employees.

With these concessions having been made, I trust that we can now move forward on health care reform with a broad, bipartisan consensus. Blue Dogs and Republicans, you can now rest easy knowing that the concerns of the town hall protesters have been met. While the progressive dream of a nation in which old people are slaughtered to pay for the abortions of ACORN-employed illegal immigrants will again have to be deferred, we are willing to settle for a bill without these measures in the name of bipartisanship.

Congratulations, Republicans. You've won this round.